So, sometimes I can be a little over dramatic and a bit hormonal. My hair really doesn't look as bad as I thought it did last week. whew!

I had an amazing trip to Utah! I went to General Conference and balled my eyes out during Elder Holland's talk. I love feeling the spirit any time, but it is completely special when you know that there are thousands of people around you that are feeling the exact same thing. On Monday I saw the Weber State campus in Ogden. It was beautiful! I love the mountains and Salt Lake, if only it weren't so cold there. While I loved the Weber State campus I still can't decide what my next step should be. USU? WSU? I just have no idea! I am so grateful for my parents patience with me the last 10 months since I graduated and all that they've done for me this year but I'm beginning to feel like I need out, but of course that requires money and courage. I am so afraid that I will make my first real step into adulthood and I will completely fall on my face. I feel like I should know how to make the right decisions and be a"big girl" because my parents have taught me so well, but I feel like I'm still just a dumb kid that doesn't want to disappoint mommy and daddy. But right now, I don't even have the option of falling on my face because I don't have a plan. If I had a game plan I could at least test out the waters and hope that I swim instead of sinking. So where to I go from living at home with my parents and going to community college? I know where I want to end up in the end, but how do I get there. How exactly do I go from being a dumb kid to being an adult with a place of my own, a degree, a teaching job, and a family? I guess the only answer I have for now is to take things one step at a time. So my next step is to try and find a job and figure out what my step from there will be and remember that it really is best that we're not "compelled in all things".

I've been accused before of being materialistic because I like clothes, purses, and other pretty things. But, people just don't understand that that's not it at all. Wearing pretty things and having nice clothes makes me feel pretty when I feel like an icky blob that people are staring at. The last couple of years I've learned to really love my hair and I've learned how to make it cute. I absolutely loved having an A-line cut. It made me feel cute, sassy, and completely fun. But, recently I've tried to embrace the concept of change and not getting to comfortable. Unfortunately my desire to change led me to standing in my bathroom sobbing yesterday. Yes, I did it! I got my hair cut! I've always been a fan of fairly short hair, but I've found out there a point at which hair (at least on me) is too short. I've always hated girls that cried over getting their haircut, but yesterday I became one of them. I realize that this may sound stupid, but yesterday when I stood in my bathroom sobbing, I felt like I'd lost the person I've worked so hard to become recently. So what will I do with the next 8 weeks until I get my A-line back? How do I begin to feel pretty again? Maybe I should finally commit to fixing the problem that is at the root of my desire to be beautiful. I need to commit to losing weight (again) so that I can live up to my potential, live a long and happy life, and be able t do all the things I've always dreamed of. I really hate my hair right now, but maybe it has helped me realized that I can't hide behind my clothes, my purses, my sparkly earrings, or hair any longer.