"A dream is a wish your heart makes..."

I've had many dreams about losing weight and living a "normal" life. Weight loss, and more importantly health, are no longer wishes my heart makes while I am fast asleep. My dreams are now becoming my reality, but accomplishing a dream doesn't come from simply wishing upon a star. To make a dream become reality there must be: motivation, determination, support, and sacrifice.

Whether extrinsic or intrinsic, positive or negative, we rarely do things without some kind of motivation or incentive. So, what is my motivation for losing weight, tracking every bite and nibble, and changing my lifestyle? I'd always dreamed of losing weight, so I could fit into smaller clothes, but it is so much more than that now. I still love buying smaller sizes and looking cute is a great extrinsic motivator, but the biggest motivations for me will last longer than this season's fads and a new pair of jeans. My biggest motivators are wanting to be able to keep up with my future classroom full of kindergartners, first or second graders, not dying at an early age of heart disease or a diabetes related illness, and not wanting to be on a constant emotional roller coaster because of what I ate and an addiction to food. My biggest short term motivators are wanting to be able to put my desk top up in an auditorium style classroom and being able to serve a mission.

I've known for almost two years that I'm supposed to prepare to serve a mission. But as much I have prepared and continue to spiritually prepare, my lack of physical preparedness is still my biggest obstacle. In order to serve a mission, I have to have a BMI of 37. As of Friday February 12, 2010, I am 69.4 lbs down, have 73.6 pounds to lose until I am mission eligible, and 150.6 to lose to reach goal. The journey hasn't been easy and will probably continue to get more difficult, but it is worth it! And when undulations arise in my winding road, I must look in the rear view mirror at the person I once was, to my road map for guidance and direction, and continue forward toward my final destination-- a compilation of all my hopes, dreams and hard work finally paid off.

I'm Back and Finally Ready to Share the Most Recent Fairy Tale!

So... I realized last week that the last seven months has possibly been the best (and hardest) seven months of my life, up to this point. We have so much to catch up on! Writing has always been something that has brought me comfort and peace, when I felt like everything in my life was completely insane and uncontrollable. But over the last few months, actually since I started my journey, I've almost completely abandoned it. I haven't been able to figure out why I'd stopped writing. I've realized that while the last seven months has not been easy, it's something I've had to do on my own and for myself. Actually, I haven't been completely alone. I've had help from my Heavenly Father, family, friends, and others; but in then end, it as been me making my own decisions, changing my lifestyle, and becoming the person I'm supposed to be. Even though I haven't been completely alone in my journey and have shared bits and piecesof my story in a few different meeting rooms, I haven't been ready to share my story with just anyone who wanted to read it. But I am now...I think....

So, I guess it's time to stop being mysterious, get to the point, and really talk about my "journey" and latest fairytale. As you all know from previous posts, I am overweight and have been my entire life. There is no one to blame but myself letting my weight become as large of a problem at is was (and still is), but I come from a long line of stress eaters and people who see food as a reward. Yes, I grew up learning bad eating habits. But I need to take responsibility for the fact that until a few months ago I did nothing to change my environment and behavior. Earlier in the year I found myself fretting over my weight more than I ever had and realized that if didn't make a change, I wasn't going to lead the life I wanted to or live up to my potential. Even though I'd thought about weight loss hundreds, if not thousands of times, I didn't think that I was capable of losing the weight naturally (through diet, and exercise). So, I began looking into quick-fix methods. I did tons of research and had practically decided on gastric bypass surgery , even though I knew I didn't have the support of most of my family. One day, not long after I talked to my parents about gastric bypass, I got an email from my cousin inviting (but not pressuring) me to come to her Weight Watchers meeting. And a few days later on June 26, 2009, I joined Weight Watchers.


I never thought I'd do this, but here it is: On June 26, 2009 I weighed it at my heaviest, 380 lbs. After just one week on program, on July 2, 2009 I'd lost 5.2 lbs and weighed in at 374.8 lbs. As of Friday February 5, 2010 I've lost a total of 65.6 lbs in 33 weeks. And I feel amazing. But, this journey hasn't been easy. The road has been bumpy, and long, and is now winding. But, this is a life long journey and I have no choice but to keep on chugging.

I promise, I won't wait 7 months to write again. See ya later in the week!

--The New, Improved, and Skinnier Krazy Kaylonnie